Why does it seem everytime i get the strength to progress
my mind tells me that my efforts will be fruitless?

Why is it that no one seems to comprhend
the cloud tht blurrs the future for me?

So many times I've told myself that changes must be made,
to reach my goal of
self appreciation and internal happiness.

But no matter what I tell myself
and no matter what others tell me
I can not stay focused on the task at hand.

Will I always hope to sleep and never awke?
Will I always walk anticipating my fall?
Hoping for death or anyway to stop this endless
circle of pain and self loathing.

What I would give to wake up one day and find myself,
Or just to know what it feels like to be appreciated by myself....